Looking Forward to Things
Something lovely is happening the further we get into 2021. The year started off rough, I can’t say otherwise, but things are looking a little brighter day by day. Miayah and I have had our 2nd covid vaccines and we’re starting to go back out into the world. We’ve gone to the grocery store together - something we haven’t done in ages. We’ve gone out to eat pho at an actual restaurant - granted it was a slow evening, but we were still in public! We went to goodwill and browsed for a bit. We’ve gone to Home Depot multiple times. Things are beginning to feel like they’re going back to a less fraught place.
Elizabeth clearly needs a break too. Here she is, terrified of balloons in the house…
I’m enjoying this slow trot to normalcy. My mood has been downright bad for a while, given my surgery early this year, followed by spinal surgery on Cinnamon shortly afterward. I’m ready for a break and I’ve been thinking about how to make sure that I can sustain a good mood as it’s gradually creeping into my life. I’m revisiting old ways of thinking and approaching things that used to make my life good and I remember a big one: having something to look forward to.
Historically, looking forward to something was essential in making sure that I could keep going through the bad days and the so-so days. Every day can’t be great so finding a reason to make it through to the good days is very important for my mental wellbeing. May is National Mental Health Awareness month and it’s a great time to be introspective and really consider how to take care of yourself in a meaningful way.
I find that setting up something for me to look forward to is a form of self care. If you’re not familiar with the concept, self care can be defined as “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” This means different things for different people, and can take the form of regular exercise, a good sleep routine, eating well, saying no to things, enforcing boundaries, honoring your need for an environment that is comfortable, listening to what your body is asking for, or even participating in spiritual activities.
The idea of self care has been co-opted in recent years by Instagram stars and “wellness” brands to mean things like doing manicures, taking bubble baths, and having spa days. These sorts of things may work for some people as activities that nourish and recharge, but for many people this is surface level performative self care. If your work is pushing you to the brink of breakdown then doing a face mask probably isn’t going to cut it. Enforcing boundaries is a solid form of self care. Saying no when you’re overloaded is another great form of taking care of yourself. Taking a vacation where you turn off all your electronics can be a wonderful way to re-center yourself and could help your spiritual body.
Setting up our outdoor space a while back was absolutely a form of self care. It felt good to get outside, do something together, and make a place for us.
As I stated, setting up things I can look forward to is a genuinely helpful form of self care for me. This has made the pandemic year particularly difficult because in pre-pandemic normality we’d have frequent dinner plans with friends, vacations to take, parties to throw, tea times to participate in, monthly jazz shows to see, and festivals to attend. I had a constant flow of fun and love and distraction to settle into. Without these things to gravitate towards I settled into maladaptive coping habits that ultimately have harmed me more than helped. I’m so grateful that with the vaccine Miayah and I feel safer and more willing to go out and see people.
In the middle of this month, we’re driving to Dallas to see some of Miayah’s family. She has a very large family (her dad was one of fourteen children!) and it’s always delightful to spend an afternoon surrounded by liveliness. Typically we see Miayah’s extended family during Easter; one of her aunts lives in Red Oak and each year we’d drive up with the god kids and participate in the Easter egg hunt and eat Chamorro barbeque. It’s always a good time and we didn’t get to attend last year or this year because of covid.
At this particular event there will be food, vendors, and performances. Like I said, her extended family is huge (!!) and we probably won’t know who more than maybe a tenth of the people are. I’m so looking forward to it. We’ll have to bring a little pocket change to make sure we can buy whatever looks good. We’re taking Miayah’s boyfriend as well so it’ll be a group affair. It’s been so long since we’ve taken a road trip for pleasure. It’ll just be a day trip since it’s about 3 ½ hours each way and we don’t want to stay away from the dogs overnight. They’d miss us too much.
Henry the Hedgehog and Olivia. Not really related, but they cheer me up.
This little event - this happenstance, unplanned on our part, mostly stranger attended event - is the glowing highlight of my May. It’s inspiring me to think about what other events we can attend. Will we take vacation this summer? It’s entirely possible! Will we find festivals around town as they open back up and attend as many as humanly possible? More than likely! Will we have tea with a throuple we love who we haven’t seen in over a year? I hope so! Will we have all the kids over for a bubble party and a blow up swimming pool? Oh my god that sounds incredible and I will do what I can to make it come to fruition. I am so relieved that I can bring this kind of self care back into my rotation.