On Transitions

I’ve spent most of this month feeling perpetually behind on all my projects. I’ve missed my self-imposed deadlines repeatedly, and even though some of it has to do with migraines and allergies, a lot of it doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t feel like I’m in a slump – I honestly feel more like myself and more together than I have in a while. It’s more like time just keeps slipping. It made me sit and think about what is shifting, and I found myself surprised.

My incomplete quilting project. It taking more time than originally anticipated.

Transitioning into the stay-at-home orders early on in the pandemic didn’t really phase me. I’ve mentioned it here before – I was already working from home, and I’m not the one who goes grocery shopping. The hardest part was not being able to go out for dinner or drinks and no longer having parties. I have plenty of hobbies, and right before the pandemic, I had done a supply run and had plenty of projects lined up. Staying at home wasn’t a surprise for me the way it was for others, and I wasn’t in a position where I was searching for ways to fill my time – I already had those sorts of things set up for myself. What I didn’t realise was how much of my time I was gradually shifting into my hobbies and home life (home life sounds a little silly, but I’m not sure how else to describe it) until we got vaccinated and started doing more things outside our home again.

One of things I firmly believe is that contentment is something that requires work. When the pandemic continued to stretch out, I started, unconsciously I think, to create a space at home that would make me content to stay at home. Sure, I still went through periods of restlessness and moodiness, but I’m content to stay home. I created a system where I only had to leave the house once, maybe twice a week tops, and it’s been working. We’ve had lots of things go wrong this year, but while 2020 feels a bit like a lost year to me, 2021 feels like a total train wreck to me.

Don’t get me wrong – I miss seeing people. I miss dinners out and parties. I have never been much of one for phone calls in my adult life, and texting has never been my forte. I’m thankful Becky and I live together, otherwise, I’m not entirely certain how well I would have handled any part of the pandemic. I’m really excited that it’s no longer terrifying to go out dinner or to go to a store (Target anyone?). We’re getting to spend time with family and friends again, and that’s really cool. I’m in a great mood all the time. I can have conversations with people in bookstores and go to home improvement stores. We went to the local craft store and spent more than 15 minutes inside. The thing is, I still only have the same 24 hours in a day that everyone else has. I realise that a lot of my projects have been completed so quickly because I haven’t had to factor in time spent outside the home into my timelines in over a year.

Somewhere in my brain I knew that there would be a post-pandemic transition just like there was a transition into the pandemic. I’m not itching to get out and do all of the things all of the time like so many people I know. I’ve become surprisingly happy with my small world bubble, even though I want to be able to transition back into the activities I enjoyed pre-pandemic. The first time we feel safe throwing a big party will be really awesome. That said, I’m suddenly having to re-adjust how I think about my time. It didn’t feel like I had to do that when we were moving into the pandemic. I didn’t have to think about filling my hours – I could simply get lost in the things I enjoy for longer periods of time. I could leave different projects in different parts of the house because no one was coming over.

We’ve been spending more spontaneous time outside our house. Delivery services have fewer drivers available, and delivery fees are going up. Going out to dinner involves drive time and time spent at a location. During the pandemic, we could order dinner, and even if it took an hour to get here, it was an hour I could still spend working on a project. I absolutely want to have this normal that looks more like pre-pandemic times, but I have to adjust my expectations about my project timelines. Over the course of the pandemic, the lines between work, projects, and life have gotten a bit blurry because I spend all my time at home. Now I have to adjust back to some more delineated boundaries. Frankly, our dogs do as well. They get really weird when we go out for longer periods of time, and it occurred to me that they haven’t had to contend with us leaving the house regularly for over a year.

As we’re transitioning into post-pandemic times, laying out boundaries and adjusting expectations is more important than ever. I’m still not comfortable not wearing a mask even though I’m vaccinated. Being around people has always been relaxing to me, but right now, there’s some underlying anxiety exists when I’m around people. Noise never really bothered me, but now I’m aware just how quiet my days are. Our pups are used to quiet days, and are broadly used to delivery people. We all have to adjust our idea of normal again, and change, no matter how positive, is still change, and we still have to adjust. I had planned to have a completed project post for today, but that didn’t happen. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but rather a decision to spend my time differently. We went out to dinner. We went to the store. That was spending time together outside of the house. It was time for a good conversation while doing things that needed doing. I’m so glad we got to do those things, and I absolutely wouldn’t change it. My project isn’t complete. At the end of the day, the project will still be there, and I’d rather spend the quality one on one time with the people that matter to me.

What sorts of things are in transition for you?