The Importance of Slowing Down
Is it possible to fail at an intention? I’m going to say no. Admittedly this month has been a difficult one. I have not treated myself with as much care as I deserve. I have had too much alcohol, too many foods I’m allergic to, stressed too much about work and obligations, subjected myself to an elective surgery, and have tormented myself trying to pick apart a relatively new relationship. I have exhausted myself in a very short amount of time. That being said, this is not like your average, run of the mill new years resolution. This isn’t a “huh, I messed up on this, let’s abandon it and try again next year” sort of thing. An intention is gentle and doesn’t demand perfection, and damn do I need gentle right now. I’m writing this as I’m in a less-than-good mood. I can’t pinpoint exactly what has put me in such a questionable mental space, but it’s a firm reminder that not every day is going to be as expected, as much as I might try.
As I sit here eating ginger-heavy congee, drinking rum and coke, and writing this piece, I’m forced to slow down a little to reflect on what got me here. My mind is resisting this reflection and I (childishly) want to stew in my grumpiness but that’s not quite right. I’ve worked hard to become someone in touch with their feelings, who’s aware of what others need, who is willing to sit quietly and listen to the rain as it falls. It is in fact raining at this moment. Why do I resist listening?
Self reflection is a challenging thing to undertake. By definition self reflection is a form of personal analysis that allows you to bring your life into alignment with what you wish it to be. Like chiropractic care, it takes some unpleasant adjustment to get things back in alignment. Looking back on this month there are a few things that I immediately notice as being out of alignment with what I wish life to be:
When I am confronted with a lot of strife I retreat into my coping mechanisms, both healthy and maladaptive. I lean on friends and enjoy a few too many cocktails. I pour my feelings into a journal, go to therapy, and eat foods that don’t quite agree with my system. The maladaptive coping mechanisms do not align with my idea of caring for myself.
I have resisted laying quietly and healing from my surgery over the last few weeks. I am one that wants to jump into things immediately and push myself to accomplish as much as I can while ignoring the warnings my physical body is communicating to me.
Relationships, both personal and work-related, are fragile and need to be treated with care. I’ve let my work relationships take over more of my mind and my worries than what is warranted. There’s only so much you can do to be appreciated in the workplace; at some point it’s up to the other person to decide how they’re going to treat you. You can’t fix every interaction or please everyone, despite your best efforts.
It’s a work in progress and as we say around here, we’re trying to find contentment by sacrificing perfection. I’m definitely not perfect and that’s ok. No one is perfect and expecting perfection in one’s self is harmful at best. As I stated in my first post this month: “I hope that you can look inside yourself, find out what your spirit needs right now, and then find the strength to ask for it. Remember to be gentle with yourself.” Now is the time to ask for what my spirit needs and for me, it’s currently patience and physical healing. I’ve been known to push too hard after an ailment (as evidenced by the fatigue I feel after my surgery) and I am the best person to give my spirit what it needs: rest. Patience and physical healing come together in rest.
““Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.””
It’s ok to rest. Something we’re constantly pushed into by modern society is the idea that rest is wasteful and that we must be continuously striving to achieve something that will garner profit. Rest is NOT wasteful. Rest is not a luxury or an indulgence, it’s essential to our existence. Rest can look like different things to each of us; rest for you could be an audiobook romance under the stars, maybe it’s binge watching a new kdrama, maybe it’s skateboarding in a local park, it could even be laying in bed wrapped up like a cocoon watching TikToks. Right now my rest looks like situating my body in a way that doesn’t agitate my surgery site, turning on a fluffy feel good show, and drinking warm tea. Whatever form your rest takes, relax into it. You and I deserve that much needed rest despite the constant droning of society’s push to produce. You are not your labor.
In closing, I know that many of us were hoping that 2021 would be a complete departure from the unsteadiness of 2020 and what we failed to consider is that just because the first two months of the year have come and gone doesn’t mean all the strife from the year before has magically ended. The new year is a chance for reflection and self change and knowing that we can only control so much. Hopefully you’ve had some time this month to reflect on what you want 2021 to look like for yourself and have been as gentle to yourself as possible. We’re in a marathon right now, the idea of a sprint has come and long gone, and we’re (hopefully) in the last stretch. Pacing yourself is much more important than speed. Rest when needed.