The Love of My Life
This month my dog Cinnamon had spinal surgery.
I rescued Cinnamon when she was five months old, when she was still losing milk teeth and she was as skinny as a stick. Her ribs stuck out and she was terrified of men and plastic bags and anything that moved too quickly. I was worried that with her fears that she wouldn’t warm up to me but very quickly she was sleeping cuddled up in bed with me and playing her heart out. The magical key was a ridiculous toy. I got her toy after toy, trying to find the one that would win her heart and it turns out she loves any toy that is full of fluff, has a handful of squeakers, and is MASSIVE compared to her tiny body. I got her this blue, super long, dog shaped sort of toy and she dragged it everywhere.
I couldn’t get her to eat for a while. Every new food came home and was promptly dismissed. She would sniff the new food and walk away, completely uninterested. She got to the point that she’d go days and days without eating and just vomit up bile. I tried wet food and dry food and chicken flavored food and things with grain and things without grain. It turns out she liked salmon. I was so relieved when she finally started eating consistently. She was such a skinny thing, barely 5 pounds when she became mine, and there were far too many ribs visible in her early life.
When she was 2 one of her back feet swelled up like a balloon. It scared me so badly, more than anything because I couldn’t tell what was wrong. There was no visible cut or obvious injury, but the whole back foot was swollen to at least 3 times it’s normal size. I took her to the vet and they had to do exploratory surgery. It cost me a pretty penny, well over a thousand dollars, and they found nothing inside. We were sent home with a wrapped injury, a cone of shame, and a ton of antibiotics. She ended up having to be on antibiotics for 12 weeks before the injury finally resolved itself. The theory was that she got a splinter in her foot and it became infected. To this day I still don’t know what happened exactly, but I’m glad we got it fixed. I was hoping it was the last time I’d have to subject her to surgery but alas, it was not.
Cinnamon has stayed with me through two ex-husbands and two different states. She’s traveled cross country with me, lived in eight different houses, and made fast, close friends with at least eight different doggos. She loves hiking in the foothills of Boise, Idaho. She loves sunning herself in any field of grass she can find. We call her a little sun dog; she seems to recharge in the sun. She’ll lay out until she’s sufficiently warmed and once she’s full up she’ll move into the shade or come inside. She’s a burrower - always looking for the closest blanket to hide under. She’s an expert at hiding in a blanket. I cannot even fathom counting how many times I’ve nearly squished her because she was so thoroughly hidden. She’s excellent at playing chase with any dog that will play. All she wants to do with new dog friends is run back and forth, trading off who chases who, until they collapse on the floor with lolling tongues and happy faces.
Cinnamon has a couple of funny personality traits that I haven’t found in other dogs. She’s a passive resister of anything she doesn’t want to do. If she’s lying in bed, comfortable and warm, and she’s loath to get up, when you try to lift her her whole body will go completely limp and she feels like she weighs at least twice what she normally does. She’s absolutely floppy and quite silly in this position and nothing you do can convince her to move until SHE is ready to do so. She’s also a seam-popper. What is a seam-popper you ask? I’ll tell you: Cinnamon takes any new toy, plays with it for a while, destroys the squeaker, and then will methodically chew on just the seams to rip them out. She takes a single tooth, maneuvers it underneath a single stitch, and pulls them out one by one until the toy has splayed open and she can rip out the stuffing. She doesn’t rip holes in the toys, just the seams.
On the sixth of March Cinnamon started having trouble walking. It was subtle at first - a little swaying, a reluctance to step on inclines, a rejection of getting on couches unless she was picked up. By the end of that Saturday she was swaying like a drunkard and I was growing quite concerned. Luckily our vet was open on Sunday and we gave them a call and set up an appointment.
We took her into the vet on Sunday and I requested that they do any tests necessary to assess what was wrong. She’d been to the vet in December when we thought she seemed like she was in some pain and they’d expressed concern about one of the discs in her back. At the time they told us to keep an eye on it and keep her quiet and left it at that. On Sunday they did x-rays of her back to make sure the disc issue hadn’t progressed and they said it looked the same as it did in December and her walking issues appeared to be related to her knees dislocating. They did a test of her neurological responses: they flip one of the back feet over and see how long it takes for her to right it. She responded within the appropriate time so they thought that she was free of neurological issues. I wasn’t sure about that diagnosis but who am I to question someone who knows much more about canine health than I do?
We brought her home and tried to keep her resting and quiet. She’s a very active dog so that’s no small feat, but this time felt different. She was reluctant to walk, reluctant to move once settled, and hesitant when trying to take steps as she kept falling over. Monday came and in the morning I took her outside and she could barely stand up. She was flopping and falling and I was becoming increasingly distressed. The knee thing didn’t feel right but I couldn’t be sure. I had Miayah keep an eye on her during the day on Monday and Cinnamon didn’t get out of bed at all for the entire day. I grew more worried.
Monday night I was lying in bed with Cinnamon and I was getting really anxious. The knee thing didn’t feel right to me. I didn’t have any proof otherwise, right? As I was laying in bed, Cinnamon went to walk down the ramp so she could get a drink of water. She started to walk and then completely collapsed and tumbled down the ramp. I was horrified and started crying because this was clearly more than a knee problem. I put her back in bed and went onto an online message board where you can ask questions of actual veterinarians. The vet I spoke with was slow to respond and I didn’t get a reply until the next morning around 10a: it sounded like she had a burst disc in her back, she was on her way to paralysis, and that her quality of life would be nil if she doesn’t get surgery immediately.
So that Tuesday I left work, went home and grabbed Cinnamon, and Miayah and I went to the emergency vet where they have a neurologist on site and an MRI machine where they can accurately assess a neurological issue. Their facility was doing curbside service only so we called when we arrived and waited for a vet tech to come get her. We filled out online paperwork and told a vet tech on the phone what her symptoms were. They came and took her into the building and we waited with bated breath for an answer on what was happening. We sat in that parking lot for three hours. They called us, said they did an MRI and that it’s true: one of her discs had burst and she absolutely needed surgery right away, I asked --- “Is she a good candidate?” --- because she’s older. My baby is ten now. Dachshunds can live 15-17 years and that puts her barely past mid-life but that being said, if she isn’t going to recover then what right do I have to put her through a difficult surgery only to be in pain and immobile for the rest of her life?
Euthanasia is always a tough topic to address. At what point do we say “This is enough pain, let me release you from it.” Who are we to define how much pain is acceptable for a being that cannot speak? I can’t imagine being so selfish that I wouldn’t release someone I love from a life of pain, but a pet can’t tell you what they’re willing to tolerate and when they’re finished. Even if they could speak, who’s to say they would understand the full consequences of the actions we take for them?
Two different veterinarians reassured me that she was an ideal candidate for the surgery and that they were more than 90% certain that she’d make a full recovery. They said we brought her in quick enough, that she was in good health, and that she wasn’t too heavy to succeed in recovery. They sent over a quote electronically: $4800. Miayah and I looked at each other and briefly talked about the cost. I’d just gotten a little bit of money as a refund from a surgery and I’d received my stimulus check so I could cover some of it, but not all. Despite that, we decided that we were going to make it work. Cinnamon is worth it. She’s a living, breathing being that doesn’t deserve to have her life cut short because I’m shit at money management. I will pay any expense to make sure she’s happy and protected. I signed the quote and put the charge on my emergency credit card.
Cinnamon stayed at the vet overnight on Tuesday, then mid-day Wednesday she had surgery. The vet called when it was done and told us that it was definitely just one single disc that was causing the issue and that the surgery went flawlessly. She said that Cinnamon was very weak neurologically and that they wanted to keep her for a couple days to observe her. A few days passed and Friday morning I got the call that I could bring her home. There were strict instructions on how to take her outside, what kind of traction she needed for her little feet, what kind of space to keep her in, etc. They also warned me that she was very weak neurologically and that to get back to a relatively normal place it would take 6-8 weeks.
Miayah and I went back to the vet and they brought Cinnamon out to us. She was very drugged but it didn’t stop her from being super excited to see us. Cinnamon floppily wiggled in the vet’s arms as she was passed into mine. We drove home, her sitting snuggled in my lap the whole way. When we arrived we set up a little alcove for her - trapped behind a baby gate with a pile of blankets to sleep in since she couldn’t step over the lip of a crate. She was dragging her legs completely. She couldn’t take a single step with her back legs. I sat with her in that alcove for the whole evening, crying the entire time. She didn’t seem phased, just a little confused on why her back end wouldn’t respond right, which ultimately made me a little happy since she didn’t seem to be in pain.
We started a fund raiser for Cinnamon as the bill was definitely a surprise and the outpouring of love and care from our family and friends has been immense. Everyone has expressed sympathy and care for my little one. It’s amazing to see people come together for a creature so innocent and unassuming. I appreciate every single person that has offered support and extend my gratitude eternally.
Every day we get a little better. Miayah and I engage Cinnamon in physical therapy exercises and take her outside carefully in a sling. She gets to take a pain pill and a steroid to make things feel better during her recovery. We ice her back when it feels warm and after she is active. She’s ahead of the curve than many dogs at this point; we took her back to the vet today for her two week checkup and the veterinarian was amazed at how well she’s walking now. They told us that Cinnamon is walking as if eight weeks had passed instead of just two. This is great news and also slightly terrifying news. She’s ready to run but it’s only been two weeks since she’s had major surgery. We have to find ways to keep her quiet so she can continue healing at a good pace and not injure herself again. We’re determined to do everything as right as we can. Recovery isn’t a straight line and it’s not easy but we will take care of her the best way we can possibly muster.
I love this little monster. She’s the light of my life and I don’t know where I’d be without her. She means the world to me. She’s my best friend and my companion - life long, although it’s her life long and not mine. I hope she knows how much I love her.
If you want to contribute to Cinnamon’s surgery please donate here:
https://www.facebook.com/donate/189325172615325/?fundraiser_source=external_url